life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
