Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
