kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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