Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
