mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Drunk is not a location!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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