Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
