You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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