My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
