I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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