Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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