No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
