we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
its liver damage thursday
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