I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
