I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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