Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
