Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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