I am puke
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
