I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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