I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
