okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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