New invention idea: vibrating tampons
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
