that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
