i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think I sprained my soul last night
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
