Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
