Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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