Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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