I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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