Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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