I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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