Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
