I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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