how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
