So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
