so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Floor bacon is actually really good
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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