She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
