If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Randomize