This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
