I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
