We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
