How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
