My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
