Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
