Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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