I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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