New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
