who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
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