After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
