it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
