Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
This is the high leading the old right now
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
