is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
