Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
