i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
