If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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