i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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