We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
