You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
