Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
