i jhust puked up my retainher.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
