I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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