Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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