loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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