ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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