am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
