hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
