Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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