The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
