Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
