I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
