I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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