its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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