I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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