Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Who died my cat blue again?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize