ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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