If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
