What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
