We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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