??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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