I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
