I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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