You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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