I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
